So the story starts when our AC stopped working a few weeks back, and this is going to sound so stupid (because it is), but it made me so ridiculously cranky. I want to write all this down and remember it because I am sure I will need it again sometime in the future, or maybe it will help my kids one day. This seems to be the only real record I have ever kept of my life, and besides no one really seems to keep up on blogs anymore, so I feel like this is a safe place to be honest and not be judged because no one (besides maybe my brother) will see it.
Anyways, our AC was broken, and that was like a breaking point for me, I guess. I became very negative and really just turned into a first class bitch. Very unhappy. The highlight reel of social media really got to me. I was upset about not having a lot of money, not having a nice house, not having expensive shoes or clothes. Not having...not having...not having... A lot of first world whiny crap.
After about two weeks of this, it occurred to me that I could CHANGE it. Not sure where the thought came from. I guess this is why we sing hymns and learn songs, but I knew I could make the CHOICE to stop murmuring and take a step back to count my blessings.
My husband has a decent job that he is good at.
I am able to stay home and personally raise my kids because I want that more than I want things.
Heavenly Father has blessed me with the stamina to care for four kids day in and day out without any family nearby and with a husband who is very rarely home.
I am healthy.
My kids are healthy.
I have a husband who genuinely loves me and our children.
I've been blessed (not because of anything I could have possibly done or earned) to have a husband who honors his priesthood and fulfills his calling. He also supports me in mine without any complaints...even on the Sunday mornings when he has to get the kids ready for church without me, and he always gets them all there on time. I feel very lucky to be sealed to someone who is dedicated to the Savior on his own and not because I have to enforce such a lifestyle.
My kids are surrounded by only good people on both sides of their family. Every grandparent, aunt, and uncle is active in the gospel and a great example. That is very rare.
We live in a safe community with a great school system.
My kids like each other.
My relationship with my husband is legit. I am just as guilty of posting only the "good things" on social media as anyone else, but Tyler and I are the real deal.
We have health insurance.
We eat well.
My prayers are always heard.
I have actually made some good friends here. That's a big deal for me.
Really the list could go on forever, and here I was all upset because our AC wasn't working and in the evenings our upstairs could sometimes get up to 83°. Oh, no! It's embarrassing that that is apparently all it takes to make me hate everything and be mean to everyone. After all I've been given. A testament to how truly sheltered and easy my life has been, I guess. Trials have come and gone. Trials will come and go again. And then again some more. But right now? Right now I have everything I need, and most of the things I want. Right now I am good.
Fortunately, I was able to pull myself out of the funk, and I attribute it to daily prayer and scripture study. My testimony has ebbed and flowed over the years, but I NEVER miss a prayer or reading my scriptures. Not ever. I've been in dark places (worse than not having AC, if you can believe it), and I truly believe that prayer and reading my scriptures is what has brought me back every single time. My prayers aren't always sincere. My scripture study can be very short and unfocused, yet it seems that my Heavenly Father will take any excuse to pour out blessings on me, and by "blessings" I mean the ones that really count, not just the artificial ones like fancy homes or clothes (even though I like those, too).
Oh, and we have AC again! :o)
2 days ago